WEEK OF OCTOBER 29th, 2006

Following New York Times appearance, Deily struggles to repair "street credibility."

All the news that fits, they print. It would appear. (NYT)

PORTLAND, Maine--Anxious to quash growing allegations that he has "fervidly embraced the Establishment with the lust of a $10 crack whore," former Lemonheads co-founder Ben Deily today lashed out at his critics, maintaining that he is "still every inch a degenerate, good-for-nothing slacker."

"I am still an angry, nihilistic rebel, and will always remain an angry nihilistic rebel," a defensive Deily quipped to reporters. "What, are you guys blind? Can't you see that I'm wearing a dagger-shaped earring? Huh?"

Deily has come under fire since his appearance last Sunday in the New York Times Business section (pictured at left)--under the heading of "SUITS"--in a brief article entitled "Taking Care of Business." In the piece, Deily offers reporter Jeremy Peters a brief apologia pro vita, explaining--among other things--his recent move to advertising agency the VIA Group, and childhood aspiration to work in an office "like [his] grandfather."

At a hastily-called press conference, Deily--dressed ostentatiously in a ripped "FLIPPER" t-shirt, black leather jacket and safety-pinned jeans--confronted reluctant reporters with multi-media "PowerPoint" presentation, replete with bar-graphs and pie charts enumerating his punk rock bona fides.

"If I might direct your attention to slide 5, figure 2...this trend line clearly illustrates that...are you people even paying attention at all?" growled an increasingly addled Deily. "Aw, forget this. I have a 3 o'clock conference with a cranky CMO. Hell with you people. Tory, what's my call-in number?"

He has him a business card.

Yes, he does.

When asked if his current status as a New York Times-recognized "business person" might threaten his recent induction into canonical Punk status by MOJO magazine (as co-creator of one of the "77 greatest Punk albums"), Deily scoffed. "I'd like to see 'em try. I have lawyers, you know. Heaps of 'em. I'll fight this thing to the last dollar in my vast, corporate coffers. I mean, er, the last penny in my scuffed rock & roll piggy bank. Yeah, that's the ticket."

Neither the New York Times, Deily's employers, nor the erstwhile Punk Rock youth of the world had further comment as of press time.

"Talk to the statuettes, 'cause the guy in the Aeron ain't listening":
Deily at "work."

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